I've been thinking alot lately about my life, the changes that have gone on in the past year. It seems I've gone from this happy young girl with a wild imagination and a postive additude. Now I am this girl that just wants to get through life without a problem. It seems to me that the more epic I get with age, the more emotional I get. Which may or not be the cause.
I also learned alot more about my relatives. My aunt carol, greta, uncle mike, and david to be more percice. My aunt carol and grets both died in a matter of two weeks. I was very young, so I didnt really know them that well. Its a shame, because I have alot to remeber them by, but since I don't really remeber them, I just use the stories im told to remeber.
My Uncle Mike died a few years ago. I beleive I was 7. I remeber how melochaly my family was. He was young, and it wasn't his time. He died from problems with his heart, blood clots.
My cousin David,is over seas now. I think about him alot. Wouls if something happens? Would if, he's in the front row? Would if, he gets killed and no one know? It kills me to think about it
Now that I think about it, I think about my poppy as well. Everyday is a miracle with him. Just the thought of this tears me. I love him so much, he is and was the pride of joy in my life. And the only one who really acts like a grandfather to me.
Its true. Now that I think about, only a small portion of my family would care if I died or not. A vry small portion. It doesn't matter to me, all that much. If you don't love me, thats fine. You can break me as many times as you want. It doesn't effect me. Though, I believe they do care. They can't just get past the chill in their heart.
Thats my family story. None made up. My homelife isn't all that good. But I feel luckey everyday. At least I'm not gonan die anytime soon, or at least im not sick with cancer. But death is very strange. For all we know I'll get killed tomorrow or die in 80 years. It wouldn't make a difference either way.
My point is, my family has gone through alot, and a few people are at risk. Can my family lose another? Can we take the beating? Or should I say, the 6 people of the 20 that actually care about me and everyone else.
(im not tearfull, im actually pretty content, it just wont let me change it)

-Sd

Ok, it's about four hours after I wrote this jurnol entry. I just found out my grandmother died. It must be if I don't want something, I get it. So I spent most of today crying about it. But the thing is she died 2 months ago. heres the story

Well she technicly my great grandmother, on my fathers side. But I still loved her. She died on August 25 of this year. I know Denise, (my dads mom) knew about it. She didn't think to call at all. So my dad, grandpa, alissa and i are just figuring out this week. We missed the funeral, we missed the wake, and most importantly, we never got to say goodbye.
I was completely torn by this. I had half a mind to go out and kill Denise. Well, not really but beat the s**t outta her. But instead, my dad and I are going to send a letter, not that she'll read it. It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't even open them.
I'm sure people asked where we were at the funeral, and im sure Denise lied. I'm sure of it. She probualy said something like oh they said they had better things to do. Well skrew f**king you!
Well, she lived for a booming 90 years. She lived a good mostly good life. She will be in my prayers tonight.